The two things I shared about…

… during the CSSUPM Annual Camp 2010. I talked about what I felt during the Juniors’ Day a few months ago. I remembered walking around the chapel wondering how much longer will it stand. It has been a great part of my life for the last 5 years that I was here. But recently I’ve heard that some problems might cause the chapel to be a less prominent part of my life. I wondered, was it the end? But then I heard sounds, voices of the people who were singing inside the chapel. I saw faces of people whom some I’ve just seen for the first time that day. They all have just arrived in this humble little chapel of ours. They were smiling knowing not of all that the chapel had gone through or might have to go through. And it just struck me hard and deep. We must keep holding this family away from home firm. We must continue to keep this chapel standing. We who were here for so long had learnt so much during our time in this chapel, in this family. The memories we have we will bring along with us. And I thought those who are new to this family should also have a chance to experience what we had experienced. They should have a chance to live and love in this family, to make their own treasured memories in the chapel. They should have the chance to mature as how others and I have matured throughout our stay here. It’s just pitiful and definitely unfair if they don’t have the chance to do so. We need to keep this family together. Keep on learning about LOVE and learning about God. Because Christianity is the religion of love.

The second thing I shared about was what I felt after the Taize prayer session while sitting behind with Nova in the dark overlooking the silhouettes of the participants. I had a great sense of  pride and happiness within me. The theme was ‘Quality time with our Lord’ and this is just what everyone is having right at that moment. And it was then that I told Nova that everything which they had done for the camp was all worth it. All the troubles, pains, and tears were nothing compared to that one moment. And I will always remember it.

What I’m trying to say here is that, sometimes the road is rough, and you are so worn out that you just can’t go on anymore. Do remember that it’s at these times when you will realize that there will be a moment which makes it all worth it. Keep looking for that moment. Just like a mother holding her newborn baby for the first time in her arms, do you think she will fret about the nine months of hardship she spent with the baby in the womb?

Think about it.

Forgiveness – how to begin

I really want to say forgive me, to all those whom I’ve hurt. I know its hard for some people to forgive me for the things I’ve did. But I hope that even though its hard, perhaps you can find some forgiveness within you to forgive me.

Thank you God for always forgiving me for the wrongs I’ve done. Thank you God for helping me to continue forgiving and continue loving despite the conflicts which are present. Thank you God for making me understand that life without forgiveness isn’t a life worth living. Please help them understand as well.

Alan

(photo was taken during the Taize prayer during CSSUPM Annual Camp, song lyrics are taken from Oscar Lopez’s song – Forgive me)

The final ‘Thank You’

I met you tonight once more, after close to 2 years not seeing you at all. My first reaction when I saw you walking through that door was ‘Oh shit, you have got to be kidding me’, but there you were, standing with the rest of them. We weren’t in contact for that 2 years, except for that one time when I asked that really stupid question of you. But other than that there wasn’t any contact for close to two years and I have got to admit, seeing you once more was awkward. And I slump into my ‘please don’t notice me cause I don’t know how should I act’ program and that eventually turned into ‘oh you noticed, self denial protocol initiated, Alan will ignore you today’.

And I am not happy for it. I didn’t wanted it. But I didn’t know what to do about it.

~I remember this was taken on my way back from sending you home 2 years ago. Later that night you broke up with me~

But still it was nice seeing you again.

You know that tingly feeling you have within yourself when you met your ex, knowing that he/she is seeing someone else right now. I had it in abundance this night. Things didn’t work out between us last time. And things might remain how it was like tonight for a long time to come.

But in my mind, I’m really happy (I’m lying partially) to see that you have met with a better person. I’m happy to see that you have found your own happiness (Still lying partially- I just had to be honest). I hope that he can treat you as how you will wish to be treated (At least I’m telling the truth here, you should be treasured). And you also need to keep believing in your own happiness.

I never really talk about us much to anyone else. And after all this time I’ve been trying to let go of that part of you within me. Because it makes me unable to love anyone else fully. But I guess I’m wrong. Why should I let you go. What we had was special, and so it should be there, even though things didn’t work out. After all, memories shouldn’t be kept hidden. It should be cherished. That is why I’m acknowledging you here.

There is one last thing I really want to tell you though. (Don’t worry, its not another ‘ I’m the Alan~~’ post.)

~This was taken when we were at Johor for Alvin and Janice’s wedding~

Thank you, for being the one for me, even though it was short. Thank you, for keeping me company for those few months. Thank you, for teaching me about God. Thank you, for all the cares you have given. Thank you, for putting up with me when I hurt you. Thank you, for that second chance. Thank you, for teaching me how to love. Thank you, for all that you have given me.

And the final ‘Thank you’ will be.

Thank you, Nat, for loving me once, for being my first love.

~It has become a norm for me to dedicate song’s that I’ve learnt to people who matters to me. This will be your song. Its translated as ‘Thank you takes on a deeper meaning’. Original song here~

I’m quite sure you would not be seeing these ‘Thank you’ since the cowardly me decided that it is totally unnecessary for you to see it. But if you ever found out about this, then it’d be great. At least I’ve done what I wanted to do ^^.

The Anger problem

Image via Wikipedia

I have an anger issue. Even my ex used to tell me about it. She said that I really have to control the anger which builds inside of me for no apparent reason. And I must apologize for letting her be the place where I release the swelling anger.

Anger has been swelling within me since Tuesday morning. Take this situation.

You are awaiting a parcel delivery from Citylink Express. The parcel was sent by the sender on Monday so tentatively, given that it’s express delivery, it should have reached the very next day. And so you waited the whole morning for that parcel. And it didn’t show. Alright then, perhaps they got sidetracked somewhere you thought. So on Wednesday, you called in to the hotline to ask where your parcel is. And so this girl’s voice told you that the parcel is on it’s way and tentatively will arrive before 5.30pm. Since you’re not feeling too well that day, you decided to wait for it. Fast forward and the clock shows 4.30pm. The elusive parcel was nowhere to be seen. So you made another call. And the girl’s say to have patience, that it will arrive before 5.30pm. And so we all ‘know’ what happens when 5.30pm arrives. No parcel. Next day, Thursday morning, you called once more, and this time the girl noticed that its you again. And so she takes down your address and number, says that she’s going to ask for the time the delivery man will stop by your place and then called you back. So you waited a while and still no call. So you decided to go to work and come back later when they finally called. Fast forward to lunch time. You received a call from the delivery man saying he’s outside your house. And that’s when you feel pissed. You tried to negotiate with him saying that you’ll rush  back now but he says he got other delivery to make. And so you decided to tell him a particular time when you’ll be at home so that he can make a second delivery. This story is still ongoing at the time of typing so you’re now at home waiting for the guy to come back with your parcel.

Some might argue that, its okay to be pissed off and angry since it’s the problem with the delivery. Anyone would have been angry. But I have to consider that being pissed off and angry at the person now wouldn’t help me get my parcel sooner. So after going through a morning of raging anger, I had to force myself to calm down and think. And so I’ve asked him to come again politely, even inserting a ‘Terima Kasih’ (Thank You) at the end of my message. And I really hope that he comes or I might find difficulties controlling my rage again.

Anger is really something that destroys a person and the person’s relationship with everyone around him. I did have this argument sometime ago with a friend and taking note of those factors which fuels an argument really helps. But sometimes its hard cause even when you’re using the tips to resolve an argument, the other party just don’t understand what you’re trying to do.

Another instance will be a chat session a few nights ago. We were chatting about religion and the arguments she made really cause me to lose myself. So much so that I called her a ‘hypocrite’. And I really do regret using that word. I did apologize and thankfully things are ok.

I think that some of my anger management methods are working. At least, I acknowledge that the current me handles anger a lot better than the me a few years ago.

But still I definitely won’t be using Citylink anymore. And I suggest anyone reading this to think twice before going for Citylink. I’m just really dissatisfied with their service.

UPM Dogathon 2010

The month of the doggies has arrived once more (In addition to Merdeka), and the vet students  of UPM have once again carried out their annual Dogathon in great Egyptian mythical style.

In case you didn’t know, they had various themes throughout the few years it has been held, starting off with Aerospace in 2008, followed by Carnivale Canine in 2009 and Ancient Egypt this year.

Their sub-caption for the Egyptian theme was ‘Celebration of the Timeless Guardians’. I found this quite meaningful since dogs have been ‘Man’s best friend’ ever since anyone could remember. Do a quick search on Wiki and you will find a few articles on notable ‘Man’s best friend’ throughout the ages. There’s Bobbie, the Wonder Dog who travelled 2800 miles to return to his owners, Greyfriars Bobby who guarded the grave of his owner who passed on for 14 years until he died, and Hachiko who waited at the train station his owner normally got off (at the precise moment the train was due at the station) for 9 years not knowing that his owner had passed away. Another notable story was George Graham Vest’s ‘Eulogy on the Dog’.

Sadly only part of the transcript survived

Gentlemen of the jury: The best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith. The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man’s reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.

Gentlemen of the jury: A man’s dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.

If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death. (Source)

It’s really a beautiful eulogy which describes our timeless guardians.

The annual event managed to make it into the Malaysian Book of Records for the largest gathering of dogs (around 1100 dogs) but I think that pales compare to it being a celebrative tribute to our timeless friends worldwide.

That said, here are some photos of the dogs (I brushed up on my knowledge on dogs’ breeds but do correct me if I get the names wrong)

~Baby poodle in a cute red outfit~

~

~HUSKIES!!!!~

~

~A Pomeranian~

~

~A Rottweiler~

~

~A Schnauzer~

~

~A Shih Tzu (one of the many you will see at the event)~

~

~The cutest Shih Tzu puppy I’ve ever seen ~

~

~This beagle is a winner~

~

~A huge Bernese mountain dog~

~

~Border Collie, if there’s a dog I would want to take as a pet, it’ll be a border collie~

~

~A border collie participating in one of the events~

~

~This little Chihuahua seemed a bit intimidated by the other larger dogs~

~

~A lion-like Chow Chow~

~

 

~Shih-Tzu with a make-over~

~

~ A Dashund staring curiously at its owner~

~

~This little one managed to fetch the Frisbee~

~

~A tired looking German Shepherd~

~

~A beautiful Golden Retriever (just look at the fur, tempted to touch)

~

  ~Wishfully looking at something, possibly food?~

~

~There’s this jogging event where dogs and owners can take part in. But this doggie just look worn out after the jog~

~

~A beginning of a beautiful friendship~

~

~Husky with heterochromia, different coloured eyes~

~

~A maltese~

~

~Three poodles in a stroller (one is hidden)~

~

~There is some flirting going on between the dogs as well, especially this horse-looking-like Schnauzer. The poodle seemed uninterested though~

~

~Beautiful Spaniel woof-ing~

~

~St Bernard (reminds me of Marley & Me)

~

I was walking around the event area when I noticed this man sitting down by the pond. His golden retriever was not on a leash and was standing right beside him. After a while it sat down next to its owner, patiently waiting for him. The bond between the man and the dog was just amazing, and it simply shows how a dog really is ‘Man’s best friend’.

 

~The bond between man and dog are just beautiful at times~

~

But this also applies the woman…

~This little one shows us that they can also be ‘Women’s best friend’~ 

~

After the event, I’m really considering getting a dog as a pet in the not-so distant future.

And I’m really in love with the Border Collie!!!

 

~WOOF WOOF!!!~