I met you tonight once more, after close to 2 years not seeing you at all. My first reaction when I saw you walking through that door was ‘Oh shit, you have got to be kidding me’, but there you were, standing with the rest of them. We weren’t in contact for that 2 years, except for that one time when I asked that really stupid question of you. But other than that there wasn’t any contact for close to two years and I have got to admit, seeing you once more was awkward. And I slump into my ‘please don’t notice me cause I don’t know how should I act’ program and that eventually turned into ‘oh you noticed, self denial protocol initiated, Alan will ignore you today’.

And I am not happy for it. I didn’t wanted it. But I didn’t know what to do about it.

Lost 1

~I remember this was taken on my way back from sending you home 2 years ago. Later that night you broke up with me~

But still it was nice seeing you again.

You know that tingly feeling you have within yourself when you met your ex, knowing that he/she is seeing someone else right now. I had it in abundance this night. Things didn’t work out between us last time. And things might remain how it was like tonight for a long time to come.

But in my mind, I’m really happy (I’m lying partially) to see that you have met with a better person. I’m happy to see that you have found your own happiness (Still lying partially- I just had to be honest). I hope that he can treat you as how you will wish to be treated (At least I’m telling the truth here, you should be treasured). And you also need to keep believing in your own happiness.

I never really talk about us much to anyone else. And after all this time I’ve been trying to let go of that part of you within me. Because it makes me unable to love anyone else fully. But I guess I’m wrong. Why should I let you go. What we had was special, and so it should be there, even though things didn’t work out. After all, memories shouldn’t be kept hidden. It should be cherished. That is why I’m acknowledging you here.

There is one last thing I really want to tell you though. (Don’t worry, its not another ‘ I’m the Alan~~’ post.)

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~This was taken when we were at Johor for Alvin and Janice’s wedding~

Thank you, for being the one for me, even though it was short. Thank you, for keeping me company for those few months. Thank you, for teaching me about God. Thank you, for all the cares you have given. Thank you, for putting up with me when I hurt you. Thank you, for that second chance. Thank you, for teaching me how to love. Thank you, for all that you have given me.

And the final ‘Thank you’ will be.

Thank you, Nat, for loving me once, for being my first love.

~It has become a norm for me to dedicate song’s that I’ve learnt to people who matters to me. This will be your song. Its translated as ‘Thank you takes on a deeper meaning’. Original song here~

I’m quite sure you would not be seeing these ‘Thank you’ since the cowardly me decided that it is totally unnecessary for you to see it. But if you ever found out about this, then it’d be great. At least I’ve done what I wanted to do ^^.

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