Recently a lot of things have clouded my mind… I feel tired, lost and discouraged… My whole week was filled with ups and downs… Felt as if a lot of things happened in a short time… Even felt hard to sleep at times… Lost the peace within myself… Lost to the fear within me… Can’t seem to get back the silence within me without my head thinking of things…

The  wrong timed visit to South City

It was suppose to be a day for me to study… A day for me to remember what I was taught… But my love to play music got me running the other way… And a friend’s call for help brought me to South City… Thinking of getting a keyboard… And then having lunch… That was the plan… But not only did the South City ToyCity shop closed down… The friend whom I was meeting came with her boyfriend by which I left them two together (Since they seemed to lack quality time together)… Feeling hungry, tired… and a bit depressed… Ate my late lunch and started reading… Didn’t really know how much got into my head…

The day I strived for my paper and realizing the truth of something

I got myself into the mood I had for the paper… But on the same morning… I learned of something from a good friend that made me numb once more… How do you understand what you feel…? That was the dilemma within me… I got a deadline for the thing I had to do… But the deadline is coming soon… And I wasn’t prepared… Knowing the truth got my mind occupied even though I was suppose to study…

Lost 1
~While your head is occupied with matters till the point where you felt lost… Even view such as this feels unimportant.~

The day I had my paper… And realized that I didn’t really understand

I sat there looking at the paper… Some answer I could… Some I couldn’t… It was cold… And I was tired… I got through it without thinking much… But didn’t managed to finished the questions… And then I look back… What did I really understand from the whole thing…? I didn’t think so… What have I been doing then… The thought still lingers in my head.

The night when we celebrated birthday… Being Alan…

The birthday was supposed to be cancelled at one point but someone brought it alive again… Thanks to her… And the place of meet seemed to be a bit desolated… And noone seemed to know where it is… Everyone didn’t managed to get there without asking where it was… And being Alan… I did another thing which I think was quite ordinary this time… Made a special gift for the birthday girl…

Lost 2
~Happy Birthday~

Lost 3
~The place we had the celebration… Gasoline, Mines… Yup there is one opened there… Its just hard to find…~

The trip to Jusco Balakong and the accident there

Rammed into the automated gate for Jusco Balakong… Miraculously, the glass didn’t break… The brake of the car didn’t seemed to function at the time… And we hit the gate… Going under it… Thinking negatively… The gate may be costing a lot… And all of us shooked up… Noone really had the mood for anything else… But thinking positively… I guess we must all thanked God that we noticed the brake wasn’t functioning and only hit the gate… And not realizing it while speeding on the highway and then finding out the brake wasn’t working… And thanked God some more that the brake didn’t really work while we hit it… Or the inertia might have caused the windshield to break hurting all of us…

The day when things got really busy and the night when I talked my heart out to a friend.

Considering the week I’ve been through, there was a day when I was busy the whole day… Running in and out of the lab… From the time I arrived till the time I actually ended everything… Around 6.30pm… It was tiring… But then… Thats what I’m supposed to do… Met up with a friend that night that cleared a lot of doubts from my mind… Really appreciate her support and care and advice… It made my mind clearer as to what had to be done… But clear things never seemed to last…

The day when I got scolded by my co-supervisor…

Made a big mistake recently… Scolded by my co-supervisor… He scrapped off an essential component of my project… I can see he’s really frustfrated at me… Really sorry… I didn’t know… And that got me thinking again… Did I choose the correct way?

The day we had lunch… And the night I learned something else…

I really treasured the times we had lunch… And you should understand that I called you out for lunch for a reason… I wondered if you have noticed it… Or you’re just feeling that it’s a friend calling… I hadn’t done much… And at the moment I couldn’t do much… And I did what I thought I could do… There is a reason behind all the things I’ve done…

And then the night I learned something else… That what I did may not be successful this time… The deadline is almost up… And I understand that I’m not going to make it… I couldn’t sleep that night… Felt bad deep down…

Looking at the cross

I looked up upon the cross during the mass at chapel, trying to find the peace within me… The peace that I thought I had lost… I still couldn’t find it… I still felt my life is in a mess… Sorry to those who asked we what was wrong but I couldn’t answer… There’s just too many things I felt that I couldn’t share out with others yet… Perhaps its cuz of fear of breaking down in front of them… And fear once more… Why am I fearful…? If I was brave enough… Could I have changed the things that happened?

I hope I can find my way soon…

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