Something I took out of KennySia nicely written meme that goes by the name of ‘A-yam that guy‘ which I tot was really touching…

Anyway… I’m typing this out cuz something happened recently that made me unsure of myself.

I am the Alan who used to be very enthusiastic about being the best in what I was doing. I am the same Alan who seemed to have lost the enthusiasm and lost his path. I am the same Alan who tried to find back his own path but failed time and again. But I am still the Alan who despite those failures didnt give up and keep on searching till now

I am the Alan who loves to eat. I am the Alan who could purposely go out on the weekends just to eat. I am the Alan who didnt bother about what I ate. I am now the Alan who have high risk of getting hypertension. But I am still the Alan who keep eating regardless of the risk. I am the Alan who sometimes think happiness lies in eating. I am the Alan who is really happy when I’m eating. I am the Alan who got fat becoz of eating as well.

I am the Alan who was so set out towards being a good leader. I am the Alan who gave it all at first trying to patch up ties among the members. I am the Alan who was left behind in the end. And I was the Alan who lost hope about the society. I am the Alan who failed to be a good leader. I am the Alan who looks back with regret.

I am the Alan who was part of a fun group. I am also the Alan who left the group becoz of what I thought what they did wasn’t right. And I’m now the Alan who walks alone most of the time. I am the Alan who could be good friends with many people but close friends with none.

I am the Alan who thinks that its better to listen to others talk and talk after them. I am the Alan who in the end feels that he’s not given a chance to talk at all and that what I talk is not being listened to at times. I’m the Alan who feels sad when this happen.

I am the Alan who keep trying his best in improving himself. I am also the Alan who easily get lured away from my improvements. I’m the Alan who in the end feels that I have wasted a lot of time on useless items.

I am the Alan who was patiently waiting for you to get attracted to me. I was the Alan who could walk 1km every weekend to get the egg tarts that you loved… I was also the Alan who keep smsing you and hoping for you to reply. You are the girl who got scared of me and avoided me. And I was the Alan who got mad cuz you avoided me. I became the Alan who avoided you in the end

I was the Alan who asked for a second chance to be with you. You are the girl who gave me that second chance. I was the Alan who said I’m still interested in you. And you are the girl who finally gave me the chance. I was the Alan who loved you.

I was the Alan who purposely got onto a taxi to see you one evening. You were the one who felt that I was crazy to do something like that. That was the day both of us started the relationship.

I am the Alan who held your hand for the first time in the airport. I am the Alan with cold hands when I did it. You are the girl who commented on how big my hands were. And I became the Alan who frequently held your hand in secret.

I am the Alan who hugged you tightly. You are the girl who liked to be hugged.

But I was the Alan who easily got jealous. You are the girl who are close with other guys as well. And I was the Alan who got mad at you becoz I couldnt be the one you talk the most with. I was the Alan who didnt know what you were doing until you tell me you did it. You are the one who dislikes it when I got jealous and angry at you. You were the one who got angry with me in the end. We were the one who normally argue becoz of this.

I was the Alan who was occupied with other things and failed to pay more attention to you. You were the girl who craved for my attention. I was the Alan who didnt give you the attention you needed. I am the reason why we drifted further and further away.

I was the Alan who got back with you a few weeks after saying that we should break up. You are the girl who accepted me back into your life. I am the Alan who didn’t changed my ways and got you angry again.

I am the Alan who you got angry at for no particular reason one night. I am the Alan who went to Hospital Serdang to get you ice cream to cheer you up. You were the one who accompanied me that night as we talk things through. The ice cream was the one which made everything right again that night.

I am the Alan who feels that you are not treasuring me. I am also the Alan who knows that you do treasure me. But I am the Alan who gave up after arguing over and over again. You are the girl who sent me that touching email. I was also the one who only read it till the end after 3 months and found out how you truly felt. I am the one who regretted not reading it till the end sooner.

I am the Alan who left you in the end. I am the Alan who didnt reply your sms or your calls. I am the Alan who stop talking.

You are the girl who kept trying to get things right again. I am the Alan who ignored your tries. I was the Alan who thinks he deserves better. I am the reason why nothing ever became right after that.

I am the Alan who tells himself to move on. But I am also the Alan who looks back at how things are. I am the Alan who may have had a tinge of regret for being so stubborn.

I am the Alan who get easily angry with you now for no apparent reasons. You are the girl who got angry back with me. And I am the Alan who knows that I’m hurting you. I am also the Alan who still gets jealous. But I am also the Alan who knows things won’t be like before again.

I am the Alan who thinks he shouldn’t be close to you at all becoz he would make you unhappy. I am the Alan who is afraid to lose control in front of you. You are the girl who says that I’m always trying to control you. I am the Alan whose childish mind made me become that way.

I am the Alan who just wanna say ‘Sorry’ and break away from my uncertainties. I am the Alan who will stand by the choice he made. I am the one who will continue to walk down the path I chose. And I am the Alan who wonders if things could be ok ever again.

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