Don’t know why but I have been having trouble sleeping lately… Like I am in bed at 1 am and I only slept at 4+ am… Really can’t sleep… Its like when I close my eyes… I think about a lot of things… I think about what others are doing… I thought about the start of the school semester… I thought about a lot of unrelated things that haven’t happen. I thought about wonderful times… and sad times… Times I was happy… Times I was trouble… And after thinking of all this I sat up on the bed and sigh… Still wide awake… Even though there are black circles on my face… Sigh… I found out that I really like to dream… The things I thought about mostly are stuff that couldn’t happen… Or somethings that I wanted to come true… Like recently I thought about what I might do on the Sunday before the semester reopens… And should I do this? Should I do that…? And all the times I was thinking… Even on other more important stuff I am not this hardworking at thinking… Eg.. The flash…Hmm… I guess the time when I will stop being troubled by my thoughts will be the time of my death… And thats maybe why sometimes death is more welcoming than others… Sigh.. Hehe.. Don’t worry about me… Not dying so soon… If I can help it… I thought about it before… Shirley also talked about it before… She said that Father Chris once said ‘You’ll know how to live if you know how you would like to die’. To me… I don’t want to die quietly or just like that… I want to die…Protecting someone.. Or even something that I have faith in… Although I too am afraid of the pains of death… And so I did pray that may I’ll be able to do something good before I die… At least for the sake of others… And prayed for the courage to be able to do so… But… these things are uncertain… For no one knows why his/her time will be up…. And so I keep praying for the strength… To be able to die the way I want to die…if God is willing…

Sigh… Insomia has made me think of all these things…. I want to sleep ah….

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