14th April 2006

Today is Good Friday and yesterday Holy Thursday. Two of the important days of the Holy Week. And the time of which the Lord Jesus has touched me was yesterday’s Holy Thursday mass. Well for all of those who don’t know, the Holy Thursday mass is a mass of remembrance to the Washing of the Feet of the disciples as well as the start of the Eucharistic celebration of the breaking of the Bread and the drinking of the wine, also known as the Last Supper…

Well it as at the part of which Father Chris started the washing of the feet of the Exco which I broke down. I cried~~ Why…? Because I found myself unworthy. Jesus who was God did all this because He loved all of us and what am I doing other than hurting him more and more. I felt His love. His true love at which He suffered for. He suffered on the cross to save all of us from our sins and we kept on sinning again. And I went to the mass every week here. And I still continue to hurt Him. I had said that I will stop to sin but still I keep doing it. Maybe its impossible to totally refrain from sinning but at least to try is better than not doing anything at all. I felt the time when He was praying at Gethsmane, where He told the three of His disciples to wait for Him. To keep watch, while He prays. And the disciples, they fell asleep after an hour. I felt myself just like that disciple of His, who are unable to keep their eyes open for Him. I felt myself being Peter who had denied him three times. Surely the words I spoken had no action and meaning behind them always. Maybe thats why I felt that way yesterday night. I stayed after mass and stayed and looked at the Blessed Sacrament. And there I told Him, I will be there this time. I will be watching. I won’t fall asleep this time. And I was there for more than an hour and left when they were closing up the Chapel. Before leaving I went for confession and there I spoke what I had never before. The ones that I never managed to say all these years came out. And for once I felt satisfied. I am satisfy at confessing all my sins. All that I had done. And I will try all I can to prevent the temptations from coming again. Christ died for He loved us. Thats true love. Love for which no other mortal can show. And its His Love which caused Him to suffer. Thats Love… Thats why what Father Chris said is so true. When you seek Love, just look at the cross because its the symbol of His Love for all of us.