Hmm… How to start…? You know after all this time of me saying that I am not going to be so immature anymore and that I am going to be better and thinking like a mature person for once… I just realized that after all this time… I am still the old me… Not changing… No matter how hard I wanted and I try to change it just seemed useless… My feelings. My thoughts… When can I finally control them… Its like I am just an emotional time bomb with its clock ticking closer and closer to 0.00… Just for once… I am thinking… Why can’t I think differently… Why can’t I just feel differently for once…. Never had I been able to control the different emotions that came across me… Whether its sadness… Happiness, Jealousy.. Love… Sorrow… etc etc …. I can never seemed to control what I feel… Say the easiest example…. I can easily hate a person for some minor thing she did… And she still treat me indifferently… It just make me feel somewhat sad for my own actions… My own thoughts… Very pai seh lo…. Its like because she seemed more and more sombong (or perhaps Its because I am just jealous that she is less erm friendly with me) but she still treats me like a friend… and now I am feeling so guilty for what I had said regarding her… Really very very sorry Shley… Really very sorry…

As I think back on all that I had did… It really makes me start to despise even myself… Its like why am I being so immature… so I had made up a decision… that is until the day when I am finally able to think through my emotions… my thoughts rationally and being able to control them and from that day onwards only can I label myself as a mature person….

Hmm… for those of you who read and reread what I had just typed and didn’t understand even a word that I was trying to say then forget it…. All the ranting… Its just all the confusion in my mind when I am troubled, disturbed or unhappy… Very blurry isn’t it… Doubt anyone who read it and not know me will understand it… Lol~~~

Anyway… another thing that is troubling me for the past few days is ‘I HATE BEING YOUNG’… Why you ask? Its just because really sien lo being young… All the people here are that a lot more older than me and it just make me feel a lot more inferior and small you know…. Sigh~~~ Its gonna be so hard to settle down here….

Anyway talking about the appeal to UMS… I am really kinda changing my mind as to not to go at all… Cuz this place is really not so bad you know… And after all this time… Trying to settle down… Make friends etc… Moving to another place will be even harder to settle down…. And the course is gonna be a lot harder too.. I don’t think I will be able to cope with it… Come to think of it now… The people here are really nice… Lol… Made some good friends (Onion) Became better friends with those who I wasn’t close with last time (Shirley)… And after going through all this it will be really sad to leave… Really sad to…Sigh… But do I have a choice? That I won’t know till the results are out….

Anyway… Erm… I doubt you’ll be able to read it…. But Tina… Get well soon… Go get some sleep la… And don’t listen to all those rumors… I think you know what I am talking about la… If you happen to read it anyway la…. Just I wish you to get well soon…

Erm have to say loads of thanks to Shirley and Ming Hui once more.. Thanks to you two I am able to get the latest copy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince… Love you two… Been reading it for two days already and now at the last few chapters… Lol… Emm… *Spoiler alert* Ming Hui said that at the end of the story Dumbledore will die lo… Sad sad sad… But anyway… one of the happiest thing that I read so far was about Harry and Ginny…. They are meeting each other again… And had a great kiss in front of many people… Haha… I’ve been rooting for those two for quite some time already and its nice to know they are finally making some progress…

Got some other things on my mind that I am not sure whether should be said or not… Maybe I will type it in here once I think about it more cuz its really quite a serious thing… And dunno any of you have noticed it yet… But this blog has a few secrets… Try to find out for yourself… Going to upload loads of new pictures soon into the photo album about the time I was at the orientation, party etc… Lol… But will only be able to put in a max of 50 photos… Bummer…

Anyway… Last thing to say… The update this time is being typed over a two days period… Because I can get into Friendster from this computer … Another Bummer again…Sigh… This update is actually made on the 18th to the 20th of July.. So if the facts seems to ran off after a while… Sorry~~~

Final message to friends… Ex-classmates… Yhong Kching Mas Cindy , Ex- roommates… Brother Dy, Nzul, Dullah…. Ex-Matrix Classmate and friends…. Aldrin, Audrey, Oscar, Hanna, Rosie… And everyone else that I know…. Miss you all a lot… Guess that’s it…. BYE BYE.

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