If lying is a sin, then is lying to yourself wrong?
Something to think about…
How many of you ever been in this situation…? You have the hots for someone… And this particular someone was a friend for quite sometime… But the hots you’re feeling only started… Then, you found out that this particular someone is seeing someone else… And they’ve started dating and all sorts… Now… What will you do??? a) Keep on being close with her, treating her with gifts, making her touched and hope that she’ll change her heart?? or b) Let go and say that you’re doing that because you love her and that you just want her to be happy…
Think about it…
If you choose a)… You may start to be annoying to her and she will see your stubbornness and persistence and anything could happen here… From falling out of friendships or even her changing heart…
and
If you choose b)… There is of course only one ending to this, since you’re backing off… Being noble and the one who ‘love’ you made the sacrifice… What to do… You love her what…
So here’s the catch to those who answered b)… Are you really that noble??? My dear friend, can you look into my eye and say that it’s ok to let go… That you’re really feeling that its fine?? That you won’t feel bad when you see her with him… Can you look me in the eye and say that you can live with the decision that you make??? Can you be honest and say you aren’t lying to yourself and that the decision you made is NOT the decision you want?
So tell me then… What will you do??
Updated: Barely a few hours after updating this post, I listened to a sermon at HFK which was about talents. The parable of the talents go something like this. A master give his servant 5,3 and 1 talent respectively and went away. The servant with 5 talents put his talents to good use and ended up with 5 more talents. The one with 3 did the same and got 3 extra talents. But the servant with 1 talent hid his talent and didn’t earn anything out of it. When the master returned, the servant with 5 talents and 3 talents showed him what they earned and the master said that they proved themself loyal and faithful and entrust them with more things. But the servant with 1 talent got sent off and stripped of his only talent because he was fearful of losing that talent. The parable went on something like this, ‘For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.’
So I thought… Everyone has gotten their own talents… Regardless of how bad or terrible they are in something… Perhaps by taking the risk to use this one talent, they will earn something else in return… Take the risk and you might have something even better… So perhaps you can just go after the girl with that one talent of yours… That one goodness you know you have in you… Even though it might have been too late… Cuz only those who risk it will have the chance to gain more… Take the safe path and whatever chance you have will be lost.
So I guess I’ll choose the first choice if it was me…. But still… Just wanna know what you all think… 
Tired, Lost, Discouraged
Recently a lot of things have clouded my mind… I feel tired, lost and discouraged… My whole week was filled with ups and downs… Felt as if a lot of things happened in a short time… Even felt hard to sleep at times… Lost the peace within myself… Lost to the fear within me… Can’t seem to get back the silence within me without my head thinking of things…
The wrong timed visit to South City
It was suppose to be a day for me to study… A day for me to remember what I was taught… But my love to play music got me running the other way… And a friend’s call for help brought me to South City… Thinking of getting a keyboard… And then having lunch… That was the plan… But not only did the South City ToyCity shop closed down… The friend whom I was meeting came with her boyfriend by which I left them two together (Since they seemed to lack quality time together)… Feeling hungry, tired… and a bit depressed… Ate my late lunch and started reading… Didn’t really know how much got into my head…
The day I strived for my paper and realizing the truth of something
I got myself into the mood I had for the paper… But on the same morning… I learned of something from a good friend that made me numb once more… How do you understand what you feel…? That was the dilemma within me… I got a deadline for the thing I had to do… But the deadline is coming soon… And I wasn’t prepared… Knowing the truth got my mind occupied even though I was suppose to study…
~While your head is occupied with matters till the point where you felt lost… Even view such as this feels unimportant.~
The day I had my paper… And realized that I didn’t really understand
I sat there looking at the paper… Some answer I could… Some I couldn’t… It was cold… And I was tired… I got through it without thinking much… But didn’t managed to finished the questions… And then I look back… What did I really understand from the whole thing…? I didn’t think so… What have I been doing then… The thought still lingers in my head.
The night when we celebrated birthday… Being Alan…
The birthday was supposed to be cancelled at one point but someone brought it alive again… Thanks to her… And the place of meet seemed to be a bit desolated… And noone seemed to know where it is… Everyone didn’t managed to get there without asking where it was… And being Alan… I did another thing which I think was quite ordinary this time… Made a special gift for the birthday girl…
~Happy Birthday~
~The place we had the celebration… Gasoline, Mines… Yup there is one opened there… Its just hard to find…~
The trip to Jusco Balakong and the accident there
Rammed into the automated gate for Jusco Balakong… Miraculously, the glass didn’t break… The brake of the car didn’t seemed to function at the time… And we hit the gate… Going under it… Thinking negatively… The gate may be costing a lot… And all of us shooked up… Noone really had the mood for anything else… But thinking positively… I guess we must all thanked God that we noticed the brake wasn’t functioning and only hit the gate… And not realizing it while speeding on the highway and then finding out the brake wasn’t working… And thanked God some more that the brake didn’t really work while we hit it… Or the inertia might have caused the windshield to break hurting all of us…
The day when things got really busy and the night when I talked my heart out to a friend.
Considering the week I’ve been through, there was a day when I was busy the whole day… Running in and out of the lab… From the time I arrived till the time I actually ended everything… Around 6.30pm… It was tiring… But then… Thats what I’m supposed to do… Met up with a friend that night that cleared a lot of doubts from my mind… Really appreciate her support and care and advice… It made my mind clearer as to what had to be done… But clear things never seemed to last…
The day when I got scolded by my co-supervisor…
Made a big mistake recently… Scolded by my co-supervisor… He scrapped off an essential component of my project… I can see he’s really frustfrated at me… Really sorry… I didn’t know… And that got me thinking again… Did I choose the correct way?
The day we had lunch… And the night I learned something else…
I really treasured the times we had lunch… And you should understand that I called you out for lunch for a reason… I wondered if you have noticed it… Or you’re just feeling that it’s a friend calling… I hadn’t done much… And at the moment I couldn’t do much… And I did what I thought I could do… There is a reason behind all the things I’ve done…
And then the night I learned something else… That what I did may not be successful this time… The deadline is almost up… And I understand that I’m not going to make it… I couldn’t sleep that night… Felt bad deep down…
Looking at the cross
I looked up upon the cross during the mass at chapel, trying to find the peace within me… The peace that I thought I had lost… I still couldn’t find it… I still felt my life is in a mess… Sorry to those who asked we what was wrong but I couldn’t answer… There’s just too many things I felt that I couldn’t share out with others yet… Perhaps its cuz of fear of breaking down in front of them… And fear once more… Why am I fearful…? If I was brave enough… Could I have changed the things that happened?
I hope I can find my way soon…
Bad year???
A friend of mine recently told me that she had been having a really terrible year… From falling down, accidents, allergies till other unwanted stuffs happening
It really pains me to just watch her being plagued with all those sort of troubles… The feeling of helplessness is there once more… Feeling of being unable to help her or accompanying her to push through all these bad times… It pains me to be so… helpless
Sometimes I just wished that God could pass on all the troubles to me instead… At least then, I could be the one handling the problems and not the one being helpless watching the problems engulf others…
Personal thoughts of the Annual General Meeting
Was in charge of the Election Committee for the recent CSSUPM Annual General Meeting and frankly I wasn’t really satisfied with a lot of things…
First off… The committee itself… Yup… Only this time its worst than Malaysian time… The EC itself was in a disarray… No fixed jobs for each of the members… No real help when I asked for it… Sweats… I don’t wanna be part of something like that… Cuz in the end, felt like there wasn’t really any cooperation…
Secondly… Attendence… It was pathetic… When I arrived… Which was around 3pm… The time it was supposed to start… I only see… 30+ members… Which includes the nominees and the retiring EXCO members.. Those who are there with nothing more than to vote was less than 10… Not to mention that some of the nominees couldn’t make it… Either they are absent a reason or just because they didnt wanna be elected… It’s really a headache you know… What does the Society really means to you?? And in the end everyone had to send out messages and then some have to drive out in the middle of the heavy rain to fetch you all… What la… Some even turned off their handphones and didn’t wanna answer their phones… How I wished I sent out an sms that day telling them that CSSUPM AGM is put on hold and will be put on probation and the activities including mass will be stopped.. And the society will most probably be closed down… And there won’t be anymore CSS… And sorts… Will those who didn’t come feel anything at all if it happened?? Was what happened in the camp just a moment thing…? Ish… Geram!!!
All in all… If this is your attitude towards the society… Then I really wonder why we need a society at all…
Dreaming of you
Back in Cameron… During the performance on the final night… I heard a song which sounds really familiar… I remembered asking Krystal what song was it but she didn’t know either…
I found the song this morning… And once I seen the name of the singer, instantly realized where I had heard it before…
Ladies and Gentlemen,
This song is called Dreaming of You, by Selena… If the name rings a bell then you might have known the story of this singer as well…
It sounded familiar because it was sung in one of the movies I watched… A movie called ‘Selena’ starring Jennifer Lopez and was critical in her rise to stardom…
Selena was on the verge of hitting mainstream popularity… when she was killed by her No.1 fan… The news obviously broken the hearts of many of her fans… It was reported that the number of mourners attending her funeral was in the 60 thousands (Wiki source)…
And I remember getting emotional watching the movie as well… Enjoy…
Dreaming of you- Selena
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I’d stay up and think of you
And I’d wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too
Cuz I’m dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I’ll be holding you tight
And there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me
Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I’m there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what’s inside?
Would you even care?
I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)
I’ll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I’ll be holding you tight
And there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me
Ahhh…I can’t stop dreaming of you
Ahhh…I can’t stop dreamin
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I’d stay up and think of you
And I still can’t believe that you came up to me
And said, “I love you; I love you too”
Now I’m dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly…
