Incomplete…
Feeling incomplete today… As if something is wrong somewhere… Or just a feeling of restlessness inside of me… It even persist throughout the mass today… Feeling not too good… Haiz… Sien… Maybe its because I broke my fast today…
And my attempt to do something crazy didn’t happen when the readings at mass got a bit mixed up…
Went to chapel like any other old day… But found out that there wasn’t a psalmist half an hour before mass start… So I played with the idea of getting a tune for the psalm… And believe it or not… I got the tune done in half an hour and was practicing it when Fr Chris arrived… I thought I was ready to go on this week for psalms as well… But then… The mix up in the readings got me wondering whether the psalm I was doing was the right one… or not…? So in the end… The psalm didn’t happen… A bit gloomy though 
And I went to sleep…
Feeling a bit incomplete today…
Well lets just say that things don’t really happen how we hope for it to happen at times…
We all wish for happy things to happen… But when they didn’t happen then what do we hope for next???
And that’s why since the ‘happy’ thing didn’t happen today… I guess all I can do is to sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a ‘happy’ day…
Thanks Li Peng
I’m really thankful to Li Peng for clearing up my head a bit.
Even though the hurt is still there… But at least I’m finally quite clear on what has to be done.
Tired, Lost, Discouraged
Recently a lot of things have clouded my mind… I feel tired, lost and discouraged… My whole week was filled with ups and downs… Felt as if a lot of things happened in a short time… Even felt hard to sleep at times… Lost the peace within myself… Lost to the fear within me… Can’t seem to get back the silence within me without my head thinking of things…
The wrong timed visit to South City
It was suppose to be a day for me to study… A day for me to remember what I was taught… But my love to play music got me running the other way… And a friend’s call for help brought me to South City… Thinking of getting a keyboard… And then having lunch… That was the plan… But not only did the South City ToyCity shop closed down… The friend whom I was meeting came with her boyfriend by which I left them two together (Since they seemed to lack quality time together)… Feeling hungry, tired… and a bit depressed… Ate my late lunch and started reading… Didn’t really know how much got into my head…
The day I strived for my paper and realizing the truth of something
I got myself into the mood I had for the paper… But on the same morning… I learned of something from a good friend that made me numb once more… How do you understand what you feel…? That was the dilemma within me… I got a deadline for the thing I had to do… But the deadline is coming soon… And I wasn’t prepared… Knowing the truth got my mind occupied even though I was suppose to study…
~While your head is occupied with matters till the point where you felt lost… Even view such as this feels unimportant.~
The day I had my paper… And realized that I didn’t really understand
I sat there looking at the paper… Some answer I could… Some I couldn’t… It was cold… And I was tired… I got through it without thinking much… But didn’t managed to finished the questions… And then I look back… What did I really understand from the whole thing…? I didn’t think so… What have I been doing then… The thought still lingers in my head.
The night when we celebrated birthday… Being Alan…
The birthday was supposed to be cancelled at one point but someone brought it alive again… Thanks to her… And the place of meet seemed to be a bit desolated… And noone seemed to know where it is… Everyone didn’t managed to get there without asking where it was… And being Alan… I did another thing which I think was quite ordinary this time… Made a special gift for the birthday girl…
~Happy Birthday~
~The place we had the celebration… Gasoline, Mines… Yup there is one opened there… Its just hard to find…~
The trip to Jusco Balakong and the accident there
Rammed into the automated gate for Jusco Balakong… Miraculously, the glass didn’t break… The brake of the car didn’t seemed to function at the time… And we hit the gate… Going under it… Thinking negatively… The gate may be costing a lot… And all of us shooked up… Noone really had the mood for anything else… But thinking positively… I guess we must all thanked God that we noticed the brake wasn’t functioning and only hit the gate… And not realizing it while speeding on the highway and then finding out the brake wasn’t working… And thanked God some more that the brake didn’t really work while we hit it… Or the inertia might have caused the windshield to break hurting all of us…
The day when things got really busy and the night when I talked my heart out to a friend.
Considering the week I’ve been through, there was a day when I was busy the whole day… Running in and out of the lab… From the time I arrived till the time I actually ended everything… Around 6.30pm… It was tiring… But then… Thats what I’m supposed to do… Met up with a friend that night that cleared a lot of doubts from my mind… Really appreciate her support and care and advice… It made my mind clearer as to what had to be done… But clear things never seemed to last…
The day when I got scolded by my co-supervisor…
Made a big mistake recently… Scolded by my co-supervisor… He scrapped off an essential component of my project… I can see he’s really frustfrated at me… Really sorry… I didn’t know… And that got me thinking again… Did I choose the correct way?
The day we had lunch… And the night I learned something else…
I really treasured the times we had lunch… And you should understand that I called you out for lunch for a reason… I wondered if you have noticed it… Or you’re just feeling that it’s a friend calling… I hadn’t done much… And at the moment I couldn’t do much… And I did what I thought I could do… There is a reason behind all the things I’ve done…
And then the night I learned something else… That what I did may not be successful this time… The deadline is almost up… And I understand that I’m not going to make it… I couldn’t sleep that night… Felt bad deep down…
Looking at the cross
I looked up upon the cross during the mass at chapel, trying to find the peace within me… The peace that I thought I had lost… I still couldn’t find it… I still felt my life is in a mess… Sorry to those who asked we what was wrong but I couldn’t answer… There’s just too many things I felt that I couldn’t share out with others yet… Perhaps its cuz of fear of breaking down in front of them… And fear once more… Why am I fearful…? If I was brave enough… Could I have changed the things that happened?
I hope I can find my way soon…
I’m a sad graduate
I have officially graduated…
~Do I look good?~
And sadly the convo experience wasn’t really a joyful one… (We’ll get to that later)
We went early to the faculty to take some photos before the ceremony begun since we were afraid that I may rain later when we exit the hall…
~Me and MingSoon were the earliest there~
Thanks to Elaine for being there at the foyer to take photos for us… Really thanks a lot to you since out of the 3 juniors I called to come… Only you turned up… Really felt happy… Haha…
~Me and Elaine, my great grandjunior~
The gathering in the foyer was a small one since only a few of us turned up… Around 6 only… So the photo taking session wasn’t really long there since we kept on taking photos with the same person over and over again
~Me and sassy Mitsuki-cyan… Pretty rite??~
~The six of us outside our faculty… Yup… Faculty of Medicine and Health Science, UPM~
After that short bit of photo taking session, we finally move onwards to the hall for the ceremony… The ceremony was only interesting until you go on stage and taken the ‘scroll’… Then all you can do is wait and watch other people take their ‘scrolls’…
It was about 5pm when the ceremony ended and we exit the hall…
~We are finally graduates…~
~Us and our scrolls~
~Tina was very pretty also that day~
~Olivia came as well… Honestly… I’m very happy that she was able to come 
.. Thanks for remembering ya…~
~ChangPing, RiWen, KaiLeng and me~
~Labmate/ DotA player Darren came as well~
~Thanks to all seniors for coming as well…~
~And this was one of the last photos I took before the sad incident happen…~
Ok… How to begin…
Half an hour after we got out, my parents wanted to take the family photo which they had been pestering me all week to take… And I was very reluctant to go and take at the time cuz I know that I will be missing out on a lot of things if I leave now. I even said straight to their face a firm ‘No!’… But they insisted and sadly (and how much I actually regretted now) I went… The studio was just nearby, behind the hall… How I wished I actually stand firm with my decision and not go… Why??
Well… 20 minutes after that, the family photo was taken… I came out, admist multiple phone calls from friends asking where I was… And I saw it was raining… I move through the crowd… Looking for my coursemates but only managed to see some far off… Moving towards the parking lot… Some whom I had wanted to take photo with had already left while the rain got harder by each moment… Even Fiona, Iris, Joseph and family whom had came to see me (and called me multiple times) had also left… Its like because of my weakness to turn something down from my family (and I’m also very angry at them)… I missed out on being with those whom I wanted to be with…
I grow up in a family who likes to control what I do most of the time…A family whom for the past three years had only seen me few times… A family who won’t even practice hugging each other… vs A family of coursemates and CSSUPM, whom I grown to like and love being around… Whom taught me how to be close to others… How to hug others regardless of where we are at… A family whom had taken care of me these 3 years, a family whom had listened to me when I have problems and when I’m in difficulties… And I chose the former over the latter that day… Now I really feel regretful for that decision… Because on the day that I should have been happy… I felt sad instead… Being dragged to somewhere I didn’t like… And in the end, lost the chance to be with the ones who truly mattered.
On the bright side (Though that day would have been bright the whole time if it wasn’t for the above incident…), I managed to meet up with Cindy and KaeChing who came from UKM to see me… Very touched as well… Thanks
~KaeChing, WeeWee, Me and Cindy~
~Managed to take this photo with Natalia before she left~
~The remaining few coursemates that was still there when I came out of the studio~
Fast forward to the next day… HweiYee messaged me to ask me whether I have the group photos with everyone throwing their mortar board… And it dawned on me that I will never have the chance to take that photo with my coursemates… It was truly heartbreaking…
~Something I will never have the joy of experiencing with my coursemates… Damn…~
Felt that I missed something which will only happen once in a lifetime… And I’m really jealous for those who are in the photo… Can’t believe that I was so stupid…
The habit of staying out the whole day and Malaysian time…
I’ve been quite busy recently… Noting last Friday at which I left my house at 7.40am and reach back my house at 11.00pm… A whole day out again… And why 11.00pm?? It was because of Psalms practice at chapel… Which I went straight after I got out of lab…
It is these type of schedule which I grew to dislike a lot… The habit of doing something in the morning, afternoon and later night… Without having the chance to even go home and take a bath or lie on my bed to rest a while… Really builds up the tension at times…
What’s worst sometimes is that when I do have activities at night… Which I sometimes have… And it requires me to go to the meet after lab… without returning home first (Since returning home may mean a good bath… but will also mean extra walking and rushing… And possibly a more tired me)… and when I arrived at the place of the meet… I found it dark, and empty…
Not once, not twice but several times… I had to wait another 20-30mins before there is actually someone else arriving at the area… And I thought I was the one late… but in fact… I’m the earliest…
There was even once, a meet was set at 8pm… At which I went from lab… Arriving a bit late at 8.15pm… The place was dark and there was people waiting outside… The meet has not started… And then came a phone call from the person who organized the meet saying she’ll arrived in 30 minutes time… I almost fainted after hearing it…
Please do not follow the so called Malaysian time.. People who have to use public transport and without the pleasure of riding car may eventually resort to cursing you for the time you wasted…
*really not in a good mood recently*
