~minors n’ MAJORS~

There are even more setbacks now to my project… I was suppose to look at the slides at 3.00pm today… So I went… And I look… And I score it according to how much inflammation it has and how terrible its necrosis is… The first slide was ok… But soon I’m starting to feel dizzy and can’t differentiate what I see already… Cuz everything looks sooo damn alike with the one next to it….

After 10 slides or so… I gave up… And sent an sms to my cosup… ‘I couldn’t differentiate between the cells… They all look so alike… But I found a way to score… Anyway… Made up a few assumptions…. Can you have a look at it to see if what I’m scoring is ok or not??” 

So I have a meeting wiht my cosup next Monday at 10am

After going thru 2 days of looking at slides… I’m really starting to respect those histopathologist who know how to differentiate what they see… And then dont get dizzy that easily….

Histopathologist is SOOO NOT the job for me…

:faint:

I have a feeling that the odds are really against me in the FYP… Why?

Well… First off… the results ain’t what they are suppose to be… Its like you are suppose to get results that can be talked about… That actualls talks about your project… But my results only talk about how wrong my methods are… Even the test I ran don’t seem to be correct… So I have a project which ain’t good… Results which are malfunctional… and Test which should be ran but didnt get run… Sure kena bomb during the viva later next month…

:BANG BANG: Lecturers Win…

And its up to me to make what seems almost impossible –> possible…

Like trying to get HKee to wear a skirt

Well.. since I have said

~~And the one thing I learned which was the most important thing I guess is that: Any lousy thing can become interesting as long as you know how to present it Esp during the time when I didn’t know what to talk about and that the topic that I was supposed to talk about is sort of boring… But in the end even the lecturer praised it as perfect introduction from me… It raised my self esteem to try and present better for the next time~~

I’ll make it happen!!!! … somehow (the somehow is quite anti-climatic rite?? Haha )

Something I took out of KennySia nicely written meme that goes by the name of ‘A-yam that guy‘ which I tot was really touching…

Anyway… I’m typing this out cuz something happened recently that made me unsure of myself.

I am the Alan who used to be very enthusiastic about being the best in what I was doing. I am the same Alan who seemed to have lost the enthusiasm and lost his path. I am the same Alan who tried to find back his own path but failed time and again. But I am still the Alan who despite those failures didnt give up and keep on searching till now

I am the Alan who loves to eat. I am the Alan who could purposely go out on the weekends just to eat. I am the Alan who didnt bother about what I ate. I am now the Alan who have high risk of getting hypertension. But I am still the Alan who keep eating regardless of the risk. I am the Alan who sometimes think happiness lies in eating. I am the Alan who is really happy when I’m eating. I am the Alan who got fat becoz of eating as well.

I am the Alan who was so set out towards being a good leader. I am the Alan who gave it all at first trying to patch up ties among the members. I am the Alan who was left behind in the end. And I was the Alan who lost hope about the society. I am the Alan who failed to be a good leader. I am the Alan who looks back with regret.

I am the Alan who was part of a fun group. I am also the Alan who left the group becoz of what I thought what they did wasn’t right. And I’m now the Alan who walks alone most of the time. I am the Alan who could be good friends with many people but close friends with none.

I am the Alan who thinks that its better to listen to others talk and talk after them. I am the Alan who in the end feels that he’s not given a chance to talk at all and that what I talk is not being listened to at times. I’m the Alan who feels sad when this happen.

I am the Alan who keep trying his best in improving himself. I am also the Alan who easily get lured away from my improvements. I’m the Alan who in the end feels that I have wasted a lot of time on useless items.

I am the Alan who was patiently waiting for you to get attracted to me. I was the Alan who could walk 1km every weekend to get the egg tarts that you loved… I was also the Alan who keep smsing you and hoping for you to reply. You are the girl who got scared of me and avoided me. And I was the Alan who got mad cuz you avoided me. I became the Alan who avoided you in the end

I was the Alan who asked for a second chance to be with you. You are the girl who gave me that second chance. I was the Alan who said I’m still interested in you. And you are the girl who finally gave me the chance. I was the Alan who loved you.

I was the Alan who purposely got onto a taxi to see you one evening. You were the one who felt that I was crazy to do something like that. That was the day both of us started the relationship.

I am the Alan who held your hand for the first time in the airport. I am the Alan with cold hands when I did it. You are the girl who commented on how big my hands were. And I became the Alan who frequently held your hand in secret.

I am the Alan who hugged you tightly. You are the girl who liked to be hugged.

But I was the Alan who easily got jealous. You are the girl who are close with other guys as well. And I was the Alan who got mad at you becoz I couldnt be the one you talk the most with. I was the Alan who didnt know what you were doing until you tell me you did it. You are the one who dislikes it when I got jealous and angry at you. You were the one who got angry with me in the end. We were the one who normally argue becoz of this.

I was the Alan who was occupied with other things and failed to pay more attention to you. You were the girl who craved for my attention. I was the Alan who didnt give you the attention you needed. I am the reason why we drifted further and further away.

I was the Alan who got back with you a few weeks after saying that we should break up. You are the girl who accepted me back into your life. I am the Alan who didn’t changed my ways and got you angry again.

I am the Alan who you got angry at for no particular reason one night. I am the Alan who went to Hospital Serdang to get you ice cream to cheer you up. You were the one who accompanied me that night as we talk things through. The ice cream was the one which made everything right again that night.

I am the Alan who feels that you are not treasuring me. I am also the Alan who knows that you do treasure me. But I am the Alan who gave up after arguing over and over again. You are the girl who sent me that touching email. I was also the one who only read it till the end after 3 months and found out how you truly felt. I am the one who regretted not reading it till the end sooner.

I am the Alan who left you in the end. I am the Alan who didnt reply your sms or your calls. I am the Alan who stop talking.

You are the girl who kept trying to get things right again. I am the Alan who ignored your tries. I was the Alan who thinks he deserves better. I am the reason why nothing ever became right after that.

I am the Alan who tells himself to move on. But I am also the Alan who looks back at how things are. I am the Alan who may have had a tinge of regret for being so stubborn.

I am the Alan who get easily angry with you now for no apparent reasons. You are the girl who got angry back with me. And I am the Alan who knows that I’m hurting you. I am also the Alan who still gets jealous. But I am also the Alan who knows things won’t be like before again.

I am the Alan who thinks he shouldn’t be close to you at all becoz he would make you unhappy. I am the Alan who is afraid to lose control in front of you. You are the girl who says that I’m always trying to control you. I am the Alan whose childish mind made me become that way.

I am the Alan who just wanna say ‘Sorry’ and break away from my uncertainties. I am the Alan who will stand by the choice he made. I am the one who will continue to walk down the path I chose. And I am the Alan who wonders if things could be ok ever again.

:UPDATED:

Happy Easter to all~~

Its that time of the year when certain Catholics only know it as the day Christ was resurrected from the dead. But not many really know the significance of it. Easter celebration on Holy Saturday starts with the lighting of the candle in total darkness which basically means that the light is Christ and when He came, everyone was in darkness… Living a ‘dead’ life… And then we have the readings from the Old testaments (take note on ‘OLD’ testaments) then after that the lights are all turned on symbolizing that during the day Christ was resurrected, we are all filled with light (in another sense) life.

But the problem with many of us is that we keep living our days as if Christ was still dead. Easter is not only on that day after Good Friday but rather everyday after Christ was resurrected. But we often failed to life as if we truly have life… And often shows the gloomy face even on Easter day. We are mostly MASS goers… That means that we only feel what we shud feel during the mass and NOT any other time… After mass, we’ll go back to our own routine… Where is the life to that???? Are we dead?? ~Something I pondered upon during the homily on Saturday night~

~Light in the darkness (taken on Easter Vigil mass)~

~~

The recent Holy Thursday was also a memorable one to me.. It brought my memories from the celebration past two years back… And I felt tears coming… But quickly drove them away again… Haha… Anyway… What happened two years ago can be read here… –> http://minorsmajor.wordpress.com/2006/04/17/touched-by-the-compassion-of-the-lord/

(something is wrong with the add link function so I had to copy paste everything here)

Lets just say that I dont wanna cried like how I cried last time…

~The Blessed Sacrament~

One thing which I didnt know then was about the Blessed Sacrament… I see ppl crying as we all sat/kneel looking at it… I dunno what they were doing at all… All I was doing most of the time was just looking and wondering… And then Clrice say that you can just tell God all your problems as you look at it… Leave all the sadness behind… And after knowing that I can’t help but the think of my own sad times as well…

~~

And during Easter Vigil mass… I took this picture mistakenly…

~Looks like a ghostly hand rite??? But its just a slow shutter speed take with one fast moving hand… Just something I would like to share ~

~~

It was a tiring experience though attending the Easter Triduum alongside the 2-days finishing school in FPSK…

I found myself waking up from a 5 hours sleep on Saturday morning.. Attended a 9 hours (8am to 5pm) finishing school and then proceeded to chapel for the mass which lasts till 11.30pm and then followed them for supper which lasts till 1.30am… By the time I reached my room, it was already 2am… And I had to wake up by 7.30am the next morning to get to the next session of finishing school (Which explains why I was more quiet on the 2nd day)

Once the 2nd day was over… I slept the moment I got home (6pm) and only woke up at 2am…. Tired… ~~ Then went back to sleep again… Really tired…

But then… Regardless of the tiredness… The school was, amazingly… fun and very interactive. Totally different from what I had expected….

Anyway… What I thought it would be was boring, long lectures from the coordinators… But surprisingly the lectures this time was really interactive based and short… More time was spent on group discussion and presentation… And after finding out that, I myself also felt more open to speak out and enjoy the activity

What I had always believe was that even the worst, the most boring lectures and talks can be more enjoyable as long as one could open up to it and try to enjoy it… If one were to attend becoz he/she is forced to attend, and throughout the whole session feel like its all a waste of time, then that person will never be able to enjoy it… So 1st step to enjoying life: acceptance…

Aside from ppl coming becoz they are being forced to… I somewhat ‘look down’ on those who didnt come at all… I mean… Tell me then.. What were you doing then??? There were those how had come for one morning session and then left… If you had something to do… like labs or group discussion which you really really cannot miss then its understandable… BUT if you didnt come becoz you thought it was a waste of time…. Then the things you were doing in your room or outside when the session was going on… Isn’t it a waste of time as well…? Cmon ppl… Be alive for once… Look at the world with ‘opened’ eyes and see the limitless possibility… Even I had a small glimpse of what I can do after my post graduate… So why can’t you… The unexpected things often happen at the unexpected places… And how can you expect these things if you are just going thru your own routine… Thats why… BE ALIVE~~~

I learned tons from the school… Even learned to be more relaxed when presenting in front of others… And I believe everyone could learn as well… As long as they dont have the preconception about how terrible it would be but rather open up to it And the one thing I learned which was the most important thing I guess is that: Any lousy thing can become interesting as long as you know how to present it Esp during the time when I didn’t know what to talk about and that the topic that I was supposed to talk about is sort of boring… But in the end even the lecturer praised it as perfect introduction from me… It raised my self esteem to try and present better for the next time

And I managed to met another blogger in the school . Her name is Juliana and she blogs for ‘Being Julie’ blog at http://planetj.blogspot.com . I found her to be a very independent person who knows what she wants in life… Do check out her blog which has her big big photo as the front page photo every once in a while The link is also found on the Friend’s Bloggie on the left side of this page…

Besides that, I had also linked up two other bloggers

One is Lizzie… which unfortunately blog mostly in mandarin which I COULDN’T READ… at http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/abbyliz-jlpang/

And another blog from someone else who loves to take photos as well… And have better photography skills than me…. The girl who loves warm water at http://puiyeel.com/blog/ and I dont know her… Her blog is recommended by Olive so I’d be checking on her every once in a while as well (Btw the music Narnia – Evacuating London at her blog is just enchanting)

Both their links can be found on the left as well

And now I’ll have to go back to my list of things to do

1. Prepare power-point or slide show or flash presentation to be presented on the CSSUPM annual dinner (Honestly… I have no idea or inspiration on what to do)
2. Reedit and print out and distribute invitations and obtain feedback on how many are coming for the dinner. (More less done I think… Only have to reconfirm those who aren’t confirmed yet)
3. Do alternative publicity on CSSUPM blog site for the dinner (Did a simple something on it already. Can check it out at CSSUPM blogspot site. Link is on the left)
4. Collect money of those who are confirmed to go for the dinner (Done)
5. Find out how to apply for post grad studies in the School of Graduate Studies (Halfway done)
6. Go to Finishing School(Done)
7. Read up on the information on liver anatomy, histology and possible problems for Tuesday meet with Dr. (Reading items on the net)
8. Read up on the information on candidiasis and HPV and make decision on which on to further in by Wednesday(Made decision to go for HPV)
9. Read up on own journals for thesis writing (Side job)
10. Use SPSS to tabulate results from my FYP
11. Photocopy the journals (Done)
12. Find journals for own studies (Can only be done when I found out why I cannot access Ezproxy at UPM Library website)
13. Prepare proposal for post grad studies (Can only be done when I know what to type about)
14. Help Leanne find place to stay in KL (Done)
15. Make decision as to where to go for holidays after graduation (Done – Genting and Cameron and most prob the Northern States)
16. Make decision on whether to go for CSSUKM annual dinner (Done – Not going)
17. Make decision on whether to go for EPC at PD… If going will mean an earlier submission of thesis
18. Find out possible methods to take Japanese as an audit next semester (Can only be done on next Monday)
19. Attend followup meeting in Chapel regarding to Annual Dinner (Done)
20. Attend talk on future after graduate in Dewan Besar next week (Can only be done on when it happens)
21. Send my abstract to Dr on Friday (Done)
22. Wonder when is the time I can study for my finals as well
23. Think of theme for Annual Dinner – Deadline tomorrow (Done) – “Light that pierces darkness” – I think I exaggerated a little.
24. Meet up with my sister coming to Bukit Expo for a camp. Get the labcoat I left at home from her (Done)
25. I think there must be something else again which I missed out… Haiz…

:updated:

I got ACCEPTED… Now I am confirmed to have a place to do my post-grad studies under one of the nicest lecturer IMHO. Before this, she said that she needed some time to think it over, and told us to come back to see her yesterday morning. You can see my heart literally beating out of my chest as I opened the door to see her yesterday morning. And she said… Okay, I accept you both as my students!!! Yay~~ And now I really wanna try my best for post grad studies.

Now, the Dr is doing research on candidiasis. No, its not diseases caused by candies if you are thinking. Whats that you ask?? Well its the infection of the yeast, Candida which basically is a type of fungal infection.

~This is Candida albicans (taken from Wiki)… Pls take care of me from now on ~

Doesn’t look like much rite?? Haha… But there are tons of study done on it…. And the picture above is from an agar plate culture…Lets hope by the time I’m done you wont see my face on the agar plate as well I wanna try my best to do post grad studies… Without feeling uncertain…. So pls… parents… Dont make me uncertain anymore by telling me to go do medicine…

The other option which I have is to do HPV reseach for cervical cancer studies under the Dr… Now HPV is call Human Papilloma Virus and the cervical cancer is the cancer you can find in the cervix. You know where rite? If not can ask the girls where its found .(The location did made me reconsider is it ok for a guy to do this~~ Haha… But as long as I don’t have to obtain the cells from patients on my own then it should be okay)

Its something like this

~this is the EM scan of the HPV (taken from Wiki as well)… Looks weird rite… Pls take care of me also… but pls dont infect me… Thanks ~ 

Anyway. I have a belief to be the best if possible in what I can do… Gambateh kudasai!!!

Lets just hope I can do my best this time

If I were to rate myself in the different aspects of molecular work it’ll most probably be like this (each out of ten)

Techniques (knowledge on how to use items) : 5/10

Speed (speed on using items) : 8/10

Accuracy (on amount taken if measurements required) : 6/10

Learning capabilities: 8/10

Sterility (not being infertile ya… But to keep things in sterile conditions and prevent contaminations) : 5/10

Reasoning skills (for discussion part): 7/10

Ability to link up on thing with another: 5/10

Problems solving for all the problems that may surface: 5/10

Hardworking capabilities: 4/10

Interactions with other people: 6/10 

But if possible I would rather have all ten, but since thats just too unfair for others… I guess I might just have to settle for strengths and improve on the more important points.

So if given an additional 10 points to add somewhere… I might most probably be adding it as follows

Techniques (knowledge on how to use items) : 5/10 +1

Speed (speed on using items) : 8/10

Accuracy (on amount taken if measurements required) : 6/10

Learning capabilities: 8/10

Sterility (not being infertile ya… But to keep things in sterile conditions and prevent contaminations) : 5/10 +3

Reasoning skills (for discussion part): 7/10

Ability to link up one thing with another: 5/10

Problems solving for all the problems that may surface: 5/10 +2

Hardworking capabilities: 4/10 +4

Interactions with other people: 6/10

GAMBATE KUDASAI!!!

BE THE BEST IN WHAT YOU DO~~

Things that will happen

1. Graduating hopefully

2. Play Final Fantasy 7  Crisis Core on my PSP

~Drools over the graphics. Pls come out soon…. I’ll definitely buy the original~

3. Get fatter

4. Look the same way as I always look like

5. Do my post grad studies

6. Going broke with expenses especially when it comes to eating

7. Take photos with my camera until my laptop and external hard disk is totally full.

and so on… Will update more when I come across more.

Things that wont happen

1. Get another girlfriend cuz noone is attracted to me

2. Shrly ask me out for K

3. Go K with Ytyan

4. Go sushi with SWan

5. Go to Japan

6. Talk nicely with Christy again.

7. Play online games anytime soon

8. Be too attracted to computer games

9. Annie and KWei going out together

10. Mxin and hime going out together

11. NeeNee go out on date with me… Haha

and so on… Will update more when I come across more.

I really have some crazy friends…

The original plan…

Go to sing K on Friday 1-7pm at Green box Balakong… (Decided on Monday afternoon) … Deadline for those interested to submit names by Wednesday

Come Wednesday: 9.00AM – Plans to sing K changed to Saturday Morning 11-2pm at same place due to friend A and B disapproval of going on Friday

2.00PM – Received message from friend C saying that plan to sing K changed to Thursday nite instead after agreement from Friend A

3.00PM – I fell asleep.

4.00PM – Awaken by a call on my phone. Friend C ask this… ‘Do you wanna go sing K tonite….?’ -.-”’

I asked how many people going… and how about booking…

Friend C answer… People going already got… Friend D even booked for tonite already… -.-”’

In the end… We went on Wednesday nite…. Friend E got the message when he was at lab and straight away run away from lab and went with us -.-”’

Now how crazy is tat…~~~

~~

Anyway… The line is terrible nowadays… Just hope I could update more often..

I finally muster enuff courage to call my other cosup to help me look at the slides as well… Thank God she remember me as well… At least now I can finally proceed to the final stage of my project however bad the results seemed to be…

 And now… I have 6 hours to study for a paper later… I haven’t browse thru it at all…